August 2022

Page A20 August 2022 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A are we must hold on to what she instilled into us and honor how she made us better. And finally, we need to discover our new purpose in life now that she is gone. That means becoming a better father, grandfather, neighbor, community member, and person. We need to learn how to turn away from negative, angry, and helpless thoughts, and turn to gratitude for the good in our lives while celebrating the wonderful memories of our past lives with our wives. Our time left on this earth is now less than before, so the importance of making good use of our remaining years becomes even more crucial. So, I challenge all of us to ask ourselves, “What will I do with my remaining time on this earth to make it better for my children, grandchildren, community, and world? What can I do that would make my wife proud of me and what I accomplished after she was gone?” I hope you join me and many of our fellow widowers on this journey to healing. Help Widowers Learn from Each Other All widowers have something in common! We are all going, or have gone, through hell on earth. We may have different experiences on this journey, but we also have many commonalities…especially if we were fortunate enough to have had a good loving marriage. We can support each other by sharing that which was common in our experience, as well as by sharing that which was unique to us. By seeing the different ways in which we meet our challenges, we learn that we don’t all have to do it the same way. We also learn that there are many different paths to healing and to feeling whole again. My situation was unique because of my background, culture, family, style of meeting challenges, faith, and circle of friends and acquaintances. Each of us has all of these in some unique combination, so what works for me may not work for you. BUT, we all feel, we all loved our wives, we all go through deep and painful grieving, and we all feel like we are alone in our pain during this period. Most of us come out of the experience with more empathy than we had before it. These commonalities, together with our shared experience help us to identify with and learn from each other’s experiences. We all feel as if a huge part of us has been torn away as if our very being is now incomplete. We have pain, we cry, we feel disoriented, and we have lost all sense of our place in the world. We feel lonely like we have never felt lonely before. We are desperate to have our wife back in our lives and to feel her presence again. We wander around our home lost and not knowing what to do next. We worked hard for decades to build a nest egg so that we could retire together and enjoy the fruits of our labor. We did not expect to outlive our wives but did expect that our hard work would provide for her later years. Instead, we now find ourselves alone with no place to go, and in a very unfamiliar role. It helps to focus on gratitude for this wonderful woman who was in our lives, for the lessons we learned from her, and for the love she shared with us. As we struggle with redefining who we By Fred Colby Working With Widowers Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consultant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: Fred Colby’s new 2nd edition blends his own story with research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving the loss of his wife, plus what he learned after his first edition was printed. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for anWidower to Widower Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship New Second Edition To see what others are saying about Widower to Widower go to Special Offer — 5 Books for $49.99 www . Fr e dCo l b y. c o m swers took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Call: 661-250-1507 • Visit: Available Through Quality Suppliers Made in USA It’s time to upgrade your Display Stands! Providing the Best-Designed Tools for Your Services Since 1926. Dozens of products that give you years of service and store compactly when not in use. Lightweight and easy to take to gravesides or churches. Portable Folding Display Table Basic Gold Stands Nesting Stands Wall Channel with Shelf The “Mother Cabrini Award” was presented to Staten Island funeral director and entrepreneur John Vincent Scalia, Sr for his work as a community leader from the Archdiocese of New York. This award was presented by Cardinal Dolan at a dinner attended by 600 guests at The Hilton Hotel. Mr. Scalia has been dedicated to serving the community for over 40 years. Much of his service has been to the homeless. He has helped to arrange dignified funeral Cardinal Timothy Dolan presents Mother Cabrini Award to John Vincent Scalia, Sr. By Megan Moran McEvilly University Medical Center and Vice President of Project Hospitality for the Homeless. Founder of the awards dinner for the Developmentally Disabled of Staten Island. Other board memberships include Eger Nursing Home, The American Cancer Society and the American Red Cross, Boy Scouts of America, Richmond Senior Services, Seton Foundation for Learning, and the Community Agency for Senior Citizens. Scalia has also served two terms as a member of a National Funeral Directors Association’s group Tradition and Trust. In 2017 he trademarked the name “SEAMETERY” (a place to permanently scatter human cremains) and acquired two lighthouses in New York Harbor for this purpose. In his acceptance speech, he dedicated this award to his parents, Rosemary and Anthony Scalia. They taught their four children by example what joy it is to give back for the many blessings they have received. services for over 350 Staten Island residents since 1985. Mr Scalia has also been cited for burial of 17 unclaimed residents during the COVID pandemic. For many years, the Scalia Family’s catering hall, The Historic Old Bermuda Inn, has donated dinner every Sunday evening for up to 100 people in need in the St Paul’s Food Kitchen in Staten Island. Scalia is a founder and past president of Meals on Wheels and Pax Christi Hospice. He is also a current member of the Board of Trustees for Richmond Scan QR for our website 1-888-792-9315 • Mortuary Coolers starting at $5,899 Order Your Favorite Plush Animal with a Funeral Director or Cemeterian Shirt! Order Online at or call 1-800-321-7479 “I Love My Funeral Director” Now is the PERFECT TIME to order the PERFECT GIFTS “I Love My Cemeterian” Customization Available! Call for Details