Page A8 September 2022 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A Funeral Directors Research,Inc. AMRA INSTRUMENT, LLC 623 N. Tower (P.O. Box 359) Centralia, WA 98531 “the shorter the supply line the better off you are” WEB DIRECT GIFT & PRICING TM ® www.amrainstruments.com www.preproomdirect.com By Linda Findlay Aftercare my opinion that the second year can sometimes be worse for people. Not because there is “something” wrong with them, but because as love lives on for their lost loved one, grief continues. There is no cure for grief. There is no easy fix or medication, nor any amount of talk therapy that will take grief away. As so eloquently stated by AlanWolfelt in a piece he wrote about the Prolonged Grief Diagnosis, he stated, “Grief is love’s conjoined twin. Grief is what we feel when we are separated from the object of our love. Without love there would be no grief. And if love is not a disorder, illness, or diagnosis, then neither is grief.” You can read the full article at www.centerforloss.com/2022/04/grief-is-not-a-disorder/. I encourage you to read the entire article. Furthermore, Dr. Wolfelt has started a petition. Those who sign agree the Prolonged Grief Disorder should be removed as a diagnostic entity from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. This petition will be submitted to the American Psychiatric Association, which creates, revises, and publishes the DSM. While it may not make a difference at this point, it will make a statement! The petition can be found at https://forms.gle/nUxzbkMJdkXm5FA68 I will use myself as an example, being 33 years since the loss of my infant daughter. I just celebrated a milestone, my 60th birthday. My family gave me a surprise birthday party back home in NY. My niece and nephew joined us. It was our visit to see our NY families to meet my new grandson. You know when you are visiting in a group, sometimes several conversations are going at the same time? I happen to hear my daughter tell her cousins, my niece and nephew who are more like siblings to my daughter, that her son is their nephew. Knowing she feels that way, warms my heart. However, I can’t begin to tell you how sad it made me feel that my daughter’s only sibling, who has died, is not here to fill that role. It hit me from left field and as I write this brings tears of sadness to my eyes. These feelings of sadness have hit me many times during the years, just as intensely as they had hit when my baby died. Is there something wrong with me? Did I or do I have prolonged grief? Is this a disorder? I can honestly say, for me, my experience of grief lasted several years. Did I function? Did I get up each day and put one foot in front of the other just to get through? Yes, I did. Had I not, that would have been a completely different outcome and a different conversation! I have worked closely with so many families. At this point it is too many to begin to count. I am certain when I tell you that the description that is used to define “prolonged grief ” simply defines GRIEF. There is no timetable for any one of us. The problem I see with this diagnosis: I liken it to the five stages of grief! The stage model of grief is misused and has been overused for many years. It makes people feel like there is something wrong with them if they don’t follow the stages as they are described. I think that in and of itself the stages cause undue stress on people who are already stressed with a major loss. I believe that as the term “prolonged grief ” is put out there and more people start to hear about it, it can cause more harm than good! I ask you to consider reading Dr. Wolfelt’s statement about prolonged grief. Please consider signing the petition. Our grieving families already have enough to deal with while grieving. It does not help to “label” their grief in a way that implies that there is something wrong with them. Grief is grief! In my own words, in alignment with Dr. Wolfelt: We would not experience love without grief, nor can we experience grief without love. I wanted to weigh in on the new official Diagnostic Criteria for a Prolonged Grief Diagnosis. According to The Center for Prolonged Grief, “the most recent versions of standard official diagnostic guidelines include a diagnosis of ‘Prolonged Grief Disorder’ in DSM 5 and ICD11. This is the condition we have been calling complicated grief.” For those who have not heard about this “new” diagnosis, I wanted to share what it is and what I think about it. The Center of Prolonged Grief describes Prolonged Grief Disorder as follows: “Guidelines for this diagnosis include the occurrence of a “persistent and pervasive grief response characterized by longing for the deceased or persistent preoccupation with the deceased accompanied by intense emotional pain (e.g. sadness, guilt, anger, denial, blame), difficulty accepting the death, feeling one has lost a part of one’s self, an inability to experience positive mood, emotional numbness, difficulty in engaging with social or other activities.” It further states, “DSM V PGD requires the occurrence of a persistent and pervasive grief response characterized by persistent longing or yearning and/or preoccupation with the deceased accompanied by at least 3 of 8 additional symptoms that include disbelief, intense emotional pain, feeling of identity confusion, avoidance of reminders of the loss, feelings of numbness, intense loneliness, meaninglessness or difficulty engaging in ongoing life. For a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder, the loss of a loved one had to have occurred at least a year ago for adults, and at least 6 months ago for children and adolescents.” Let me begin with the last sentence, “for a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder, the loss of a loved one had to have occurred at least a year ago for adults and at least six months for children and adolescents.”The first year following the loss of a loved one is filled with many expressions and experiences of grief. All of these are described and included in this diagnosis. However, once the first anniversary of the death passes, people wake up the very next day and “nothing” has changed. As a matter of fact, many people experience grief responses well into the second year. It is Linda Findlay is the founder of Mourning Discoveries, Grief Support Services. She is a 29-year career Aftercare Coordinator, a published author, and an advocate for bereaved families. She is the founder and co-creator of The Grief Cruises and managing partner with The International Grief Institute. Linda can be reached at 315-725-6132 or Lf6643@yahoo.com. Visit www.mourningdiscoveries.com, www.thegriefcruises.com or www.internationalgriefinstitute.com. F U N E R A L H O M E & C E M E T E R Y N E W S w w w . N o m i s P u b l i c a t i o n s . c o m Monthly Columnsonline at Prolonged Grief Opinion Scan QR for our website 1-888-792-9315 • mymortuarycooler.com Mortuary Coolers starting at $5,899 Mortuary Coolers TYRONE,GA— Rollings Funeral Service is proud to announce their recent addition of William G. Neal Funeral Homes, Ltd in Washington, PA. The funeral home, which has been serving its community since 1961, was formerly owned by Michael Neal. Greg Rollings, president and CEO of Rollings Funeral Service, said “The funeral home has a 61 year legacy of honesty and fairness when it comes to caring for the famRollings Funeral Service Announces Addition of Pennsylvania Funeral Home William G. Neal Funeral Homes, Ltd ilies of Washington and those are the very qualities I look for. Michael has done a fantastic job in continuing that legacy and I look forward to having him and the funeral home as part of the greater Rollings family now,” Rollings also mentioned that this marks his third location in Pennsylvania. Founded in 1961 by Neal’s father, William, Neal spent his whole life in the funeral home until he briefly stepped away at age 19. Since becoming a licensed funeral director shortly thereafter, he partnered with his father in the operation of the funeral home. When William Neal passed in 2014, Neal took on full ownership. Speaking with Neal, he mentioned that with some current health concerns, he felt it was irresponsible at this time to not have a succession plan in place for the business. After meeting with Greg Rollings and two other potential partners, Neal felt that Rollings Funeral Service fit his vision best for what he was looking for. “I liked the fact that Greg wasn’t corporate and that I had direct access to him, and I was able to resolve any issues directly with him,” Neal said. He also mentioned that he wanted to make sure that his staff and families would be well taken care of, and that Rolling Funeral Service felt like the most secure way to ensure that. With the new partnership, Neal commented that “I know the business can grow more and I’m excited to see what Rollings will be able to do and what I’ll be able to do for Rollings.” Annually, William G. Neal Funeral Homes, Ltd serves almost 400 families. With almost 90 locations, Rollings Funeral Service is one of the largest private funeral home owners in the eastern United States. With each of their firms operated on the local level, their managers work directly with Rollings Funeral Service to establish budgets, pricing, and best practices. They also pride themselves on being a great alternative to selling to a publicly traded company and they continue to search for firms that will be a great fit to their growing family of funeral homes. Michael Neal Send Us Your News! We welcome news of the industry. info@NomisPublications.com PO Box 5159, Youngstown, OH 44514 CALL 1-800-321-7479 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS
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