Page A18 MAY 2023 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Section A My intention was to write about something different this month, but an important discussion needs to be had. April showers and all, let’s talk about the stormy aspects, so the future can bloom a little brighter. Every month seems to be about change and potential, this one is no different. I was asked to speak at a local mortuary college by the attending students. The idea sparked from a passionate discussion that took place at a recent intensive I had hosted for students. A day that was designed to teach the hands-on basics of funeral service – loading a cot, placing a pall, etc. – turned into a conversation about harassment and sexism in the industry. By pure happenstance, the only people in the room were women and non-binary. When discussing day-to-day life, the same stories of problematic interactions were shared by us all. With a roundtable of brilliant students, we brain-stormed ways to combat harassment and sexism, and how to survive in this industry as a minority, or non-cishet man. If your instinct is to huff indignantly or turn the page, you probably need to hear this. Stay, read. Move forward with an open mind because the majority of the students becoming licensed funeral directors in the United States aren’t white cis-men. Pausing to rethink our own biases and to learn about others’ humanity is our job. We are expected every day to meet with families who may live differently than we do, and yet we honor and respect them regardless of their gender, religion, class, or status. We serve. We understand. We support. We act as compassionate pillars of our community, unjudging and kind. Funeral Service tofor different situations. Pay attention to terminology and how you use language. Practice standing up for yourself. Find a professional style that suits you. Learn how to lift using techniques, not just brute strength. Speak slowly and with intention, and a lower pitch. Perfect your assertive funeral director voice. Remember that you deserve to be in the room. Watch women you admire and how they handle tough situations. You can learn so much from those who paved the roads before us. If you are fighting your way into this industry, keep going. You are valuable. You will find a safe firm that appreciates you. I know it’s an uphill battle, but you are strong enough to be successful. Shatter that glass ceiling! FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.NomisPublications.com Monthly Columnsonline at Marika McMeans is a first-generation Licensed Funeral Director and Embalmer, born and raised in the Midwest. She began her career in the industry at the age of fifteen and was managing a firm by age twenty-two. In 2015, she relocated to Rochester, New York. She is a graduate of the New York State Funeral Directors Association Leadership Academy, a member of their Bridge Commission and a past member of several Task Forces and Committees. She is the current President and Continuing Education Coordinator of Rochester Genesee Valley Funeral Directors Association. Her goal, now and always, is to help support and guide the next generation of funeral directors. day is an “old boys club” passed down from father to son for generations. Once a service done by midwives, now a business run by men. If you don’t have someone who looks different from you working with you, I challenge you to change that. If you are a woman, non-binary person, or other minority, now I’m talking to you. I know that this world is full of hills to climb and glass ceilings to shatter. I know that it feels daunting sometimes. I am many years into this industry, and even with grey hair and a portfolio full of accomplishments, I still wonder, almost every day, when the world will take me seriously. I’ve had funeral home owners tell me that they liked the “industry better when there weren’t little girls in charge.” I frequently have families ask me when the funeral director is coming in to finish the arrangements that we’ve already spent three hours doing. I have stories far worse. If you’re like me, you have your own. I am preaching to the choir. My lecture at the college was on sexism in Funeral Service. I shared some of my own stories and tips. It is important that students know what they are getting into, but also to know that they’re not alone and there are directors out there who will advocate for them. Let me share some tricks that I’ve learned over the years, that get families and others in the industry to take me seriously. Dr. Albert Mehrabian of UCLA gave us the 7-38-55% rule of communication. The theory is that 7% of how people perceive you is based on what you say; 38% is based on how you look; and 55% is based on how you sound. Don’t change who you are, but you can leverage social norms and learn how to play the game. Practice scripts By Marika McMeans Musings with Marika www.vischerfuneralsupplies.com “DUNCAN STUART TODD KNEW WHAT WE NEEDED.THEY MADE IT SIMPLE IN HAVING THE TOTAL PACKAGE.” - THE WOOD MORTUARY PREPARATION ROOM Design + Equipment 720-583-1886 info@duncanstuarttodd.com www.duncanstuarttodd.com SINCE 1991 The Fan Man, Inc. Fans Calendars Urns Register Books Dresses Advertising Specialties John Mannion “WhatEver You Need” 1-800-671-8280 Cell: 803-417-2940 Thefanman@comporium.net bankersadvertising.com/thefanman David Rousculp with the Cast Rousculp’s The Sexton is Huge Success NEW HAVEN,IN— David Rousculp, general manager at Harper’s Community Funeral Home, New Haven, IN, once again breathes life into the dead, with another successful stage play, The Sexton. His awardwinning script was produced by Playground 630, a theater in residence at Purdue Fort Wayne. The Sexton is a follow up to David’s big hit My Dead Clown in 2018. Anyone in the funeral and cemetery business would appreciate the crazy stories in the show. Five ghosts are trapped at the Pioneer Cemetery and can’t understand why. There is a church Bishop, a Marine, a lady of high society, a lawyer, and female Elvis impersonator. When Wally the new sexton comes on board he can see and hear the ghosts. Wally, tries to help them see themselves more introspectively but not without resistance. Meanwhile, a County Commissioner named Karen is trying to sell the land to a bigbox store and have the bodies moved. Karen is played by Harper’s Community Funeral Home’s own Chevas Hefflinger, office manager. “This was her acting debut, and she was amazing. The show is filled with comedy but not without some touching moments and thought-provoking scenes. The sellout crowds enjoyed the show immensely,” said Rousculp. He continued to say, “This is a play that I wrote for any theater. I grew up in the community theater world and some small towns just can’t afford the elaborate sets and the space they require. This requires no set changes and is a simple set up. It’s more about the characters’ dialogue. I highly recommend The Sexton to be included in one’s community theater’s line up for next season.” Rousculp is working on his next play and hopes to have it done within the year. “I try to find an hour a day or night to write. I don’t have much of a life working 130 funerals a year and being the only licensed funeral director and embalmer. I live in the funeral home too and so it’s not a big deal for me to be typing away in the office during odd hours. I can’t recommend enough to other funeral professionals to find a hobby or a passion that helps you escape from the demanding work we all do.” @Nomis.Publications Like us on Like
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