May 2021

Page A4 MAY 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A New! NFDA National Emerging Leaders Program Learn. Lead. Inspire. Discover the skills that serve you in any setting – business, state or national associations, the community, and beyond. This program features a practical and theoretical approach to advanced leadership topics, including: • Mentorship • Ethical leadership • Employee relations • Collaborative decision-making • Strategic planning • Servant leadership • Communication skills • Small business ownership The National Emerging Leaders Program is open to all licensed funeral professionals, who are first or second career funeral directors. Application deadline May 15, 2021. Visit nfda.org/ emergingleaders for full details. Thanks to the Funeral Service Foundation and Live Oak Bank for funding this program. National Emerging Leaders Program Learn • Lead • Inspire INTRODUCING A PERSONAL LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM LIKE NO OTHER 2021_NELP_1/4 NOMIS Ad.indd 1 3/30/21 3:37 PM By Nancy Weil As cremation rates rise, we must continue to adapt to the ways that people view final disposition of their loved one’s cremains. What was once unheard of, is now becoming com- mon place. The “final destination” is often a tourist destina- tion. Corporate policies are changing to find ways to handle this trend and we, as an industry must recognize that what is happening is not going away. While Rolling Stone member, Keith Richard’s claim that he snorted some of his father’s cremains up his nose is extreme, more and more people are finding creative ways to scatter their loved one’s remains. We have all heard clients tell us that they want to be scat- tered anywhere, that they don’t care what is done with their remains once they die and they don’t want to burden their family with an added expense of a cemetery spot. Of course, they never consider that they are sometimes asking their loved one to break the law in following out their final wishes. That does not cross their mind. They never consider the family and friends who want to have a place to visit and find comfort in knowing that they are in a “forever” place. No one thinks of the future family genealogists who want to know where their great-great-great-whoever is buried. They don’t think of this, because their plan is not to plan. It is up to us to educate these folks about their options. Many people have changed their mind based upon a short educa- tional conversation led by a funeral professional. Of course, there are others who mindfully select a place to scatter their loved ones based upon their interests. They find comfort in knowing that they are now near a favorite place or by a spot that holds special significance to them. Disneyland has had so many cremains scattered on their property that they have had to create a system for clean- ing them up. When cremains are found in the park, a spe- cial crew is dispensed with a HEPA vacuum to clean up the area. This is done quietly so as not to alert the park guests, but is hardly where the family thought grandma would end up. It seems the place that welcomes people from around Random Musings the globe is not so welcoming when it comes to being consid- ered a permanent resting place. Some Yankee fans were faced with the impermanence of their decision to scatter their baseball loving loved one at the “House that Ruth built” when the house, um… stadium, was torn down following the team’s move into new digs. Their loved ones are now forever interred in the new parking lot – hardly the same as being near first base or on the pitcher’s mound. Times change, places change, but the act of scattering cannot be changed. Once done, it cannot be “undone.” I have heard of funerals where the deceased is handed out like goody bags to those who attend the service. “Please take a bit of Mom and place her in a spot where you think she would like to be. Somewhere special and appropriate and then let us know where you have selected.” Really? Many people attend- ing a funeral are there to support a friend or colleague. They may have never met the deceased and are now being assigned the task of helping to select a spot to scatter the “guest of hon- or.” Have we gone mad as a society or are we forgetting that the contents of those bags are actually a human body? Some bereaved find comfort in having their loved one near- by. They like having the urn in their home and being able to “talk” to them each day. Perhaps they are keeping them near so that they may be placed together following their own death. There are many reasons why people choose to take their loved one home and I am not here to argue the sincerity or sense of this. Working in the field of grief, I am aware that this may be helpful for some people. However, there are also others who have no place to go to pay respects. People like a friend of mine whose mother died. Dad kept her urn at home and when he remarried, the daughter did not feel comfortable just stopping by to visit with her Mom. We also know the stories of peo- ple moving into their new home only to find a previous resi- dent still in residence. A family I met with last week chose to place Mom now, rather than keeping her home, as they wor- ried about the remote possibility of a house fire or theft. They liked knowing that the final resting spot would be truly final. Becoming fireworks? Being shot into space? Scattered in the middle of the ocean? These seem like remote places for cre- mains, but for Sir Edmund Hillary, it seems that there was no more fitting resting place than the mountain he had first conquered. A Sherpa took him to the top of Mt. Everest and scattered his cremains in a place that few ever see, much less think of as a burial location. There is also little chance of the cremains ever being disturbed in such a remote location. Such is not the case for those folks who we find scattered on their loved one’s grave. These “midnight burials” may seem like a good way to bypass the interment fees, but they are hardly permanent and no records or monument in- scriptions exist for these people. I was at a conference once where a funeral director told parents, who had lost a child to stillbirth or miscarriage, that they should take their ba- by’s cremains and go to the cemetery on a Sunday (when the staff is off) and just scatter their child on the grave of a loved one. I was appalled thinking of the fate of that tiny baby when our lawn mowers run them over and they be- come part of our grass clippings and compost. Hardly a dignified way to lay our children to rest. We must be the voice of reason in a society that gives no thought to scattering a loved one wherever they see fit. We must be the educators, the comfort-providers and the ones our families can turn to for guidance. Our awareness of the complexities of grief must be tempered with our practical understanding of the law and of the possible future needs of the family. We must not be advocating, allowing or en- couraging behavior that is contrary to the dignified service we pledge to provide. Disney may be the “happiest place in the world,” but it is not, nor will it ever be, the right place for a final resting place. Q . What do Yankee Stadium, Mt. Everest and a lawn mower have in common? Serving as Member Resources Director at the International Order of the Golden Rule, Nancy Weil brings her years of experience working in the funeral industry to funeral directors across the globe. Her professional experience includes serving as Director of Grief Support and Community Outreach at Veterans Funeral Care in Clearwater, FL and at eleven cem- eteries in Western New York. Nancy travels throughout the country offering presentations on how to reduce stress, combat compassion fatigue and offer support for those who are grieving through her company, The Laugh Academy. With certifications as a Grief Services Provider and Grief Management Specialist, Funeral Celebrant, Soul Injury Ambassador and Laughter Leader, Nancy is uniquely qualified to bring new perspectives into how to best meet the needs of the families you serve. For more information on how Nancy can help you and your company grow, visit her website: www.TheLaughAcademy.com or e-mail Nancy@TheLaughAcademy.com. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at A . They are all final resting places for cremated remains. and also purchasing a 2021 Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid. “By changing all of our light fixtures and bulbs to LED we are making our facility much more energy efficient, lowering our power consumption, and getting a much lon- ger lifespan out of the bulbs which all equals a greener facil- ity,” says Ryan Cattoni , owner of AquaGreen Dispositions. AquaGreen Dispositions continues its Green Mission CHICAGO,IL— AquaGreen Dispositions, an eco- friendly flameless crematory in Illinois, is continuing its mission to being more environmentally friendly by updat- ing its facility with all energy saving LED lighting fixtures “Our new Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid will reduce our greenhouse gas emissions 24 percent compared to a gas powered Pacifica. In addition to reducing our greenhouse gas emission, the new hybrid gets much better gas mile- age and also is able to drive 33 miles on full electric. This is a game changer for us since we cover such a large area of the Midwest. It will save us gas cost and also lower our carbon footprint,” says Cattoni. “We are excited to keep on finding ways to improve on what we preach, to go green and also save cost.” AquaGreen Dispositions LLC is owned by funeral di- rector Ryan Cattoni, who was a pioneer in bringing Alka- line Hydrolysis to Illinois in 2012. Ryan/AquaGreen Dis- positions helps funeral homes in Illinois and surrounding states across the country offer an eco-friendly flameless cremation option to the families they serve.