May 2020

Page A20 MAY 2020 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS S ec t i on A Do Widowers Make Good Husbands? By Herb Knoll It depends on whom you ask. Interestingly, this ques- tion resulted in the largest number of responses gener- ated to date after posting it to the Widower’s Support Network – Members Only closed Facebook group. Les from the State of Washington was the first to respond, “Being married for 45 years and being my wife’s caregiv- er for a dozen years, provided me with the life skills that are helping me move forward with my new fiancé.” Aaron from Tennessee cites how the perspective and courage he believes widowers acquire are reasons they can make great husbands. “We know what it’s like to lose something precious. Therefore, we know the im- portance of appreciating a woman in everyday mo- ments. We have also chosen to courageously love again despite knowing the intense pain we would endure if fate saw fit to take our love away.” Nathan from Indi- ana agreed, “Widowers know first-hand the cost and they paid the price of the oath they swore before God and man. ‘Until death do we part.’” Rick from Michi- gan concurred, “I will be even more appreciative of a second spouse because I know that she can be taken from me in an instant. Losing someone like that makes you love those around you even more.” Widowers do have a perspective that divorced or oth- erwise single men cannot fully appreciate. And for many, it does take courage to allow yourself to be vul- nerable once again. Nathan offered, “After my wife passed, some of her friends offered me words of sup- port like, ‘You gave her everything she wanted in life.’ I believe she deserved so much more. She was sick for four years. I was blessed to have had those four years to be the husband I should have been during the first seven years of our marriage.” Widowers who served as caregivers have an added reason to appreciate life after having witnessed the dai- ly deterioration of their now-deceased wife’s life. Michael from suburban Buffalo, NY, believes widow- ers make great husbands. “Most, if not all, widowers were married for several years in a loving, committed relationship. They nurtured that relationship and con- tributed to its growth. Many became caregivers without reservation or hesitation. Commitment, dedication and a history of unconditional love make us different.” Now that he finds himself raising three young chil- dren on his own, Rick has much more respect and ad- miration for all his deceased wife did for their family. This appreciation is sure to transfer to any future wife he may marry. And if a widower’s previous marriage was a good one, he is even more likely to invest his heart in a new one. But not all widowers are husband material. Aaron from Tennessee points out, “We are more likely to fall Men who have lost their spouses will naturally cher- ish the life they once shared, but it doesn’t mean the widower isn’t capable of being a good if not a great hus- band. It does take two adults, willing to sort out their histories before any lifelong commitments should be made to one another. No doubt, the human heart can love again without di- minishing the love one first experienced with a now-de- ceased mate. A meaningful relationship requires effort and sacrifice from both parties, especially when each party comes into the relationship with a history, be it good or bad. There is much to consider. Given my years of experience in working with wid- owers, I have found most to be very attractive husband material. Now given that I’m a guy, I may have a bias, but hear me out. Widowers, who honored their mar- riage vows, provided for and protected their wife, were faithful and loved their wife exclusively until the day of her passing, possess attributes I believe most women would find attractive. Am I wrong? Widowers (and widows) do come with some risks. The baggage either collected over their life may not be- come apparent right away, so don’t rush into anything. Predator widows and widowers do prey on the vulner- able. I, for one, am uncomfortable with widowed men who propose to the first or second woman they date, or for whatever reason, have an urgency to make major decisions, including offering marriage proposals. Those concerns aside, I have found widowers are generally sincere in their quest to rediscover love. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Special Offer: 33% off Six-Packs! Visit https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order -6-pak-for-groups Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship Fred Colby's first book blends blogs he wrote be- fore, during and after his wife's passing, together with his research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving her loss. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for answers took By Fred Colby and Herb Knoll Working With Widowers into the ‘I wish you were more like my late wife’ trap. Some men will selfishly seek comfort from their new wife over the loss of their deceased wife without regard to how she (new wife) feels.” John from Orlando makes a great point:, “I don’t let wid- ower define me. I think there are many widowers who are good men, but I’m confident there are some jerks. Ladies need to look deeper than a widower’s Facebook status. The good husbands were good before they were widowers.” Joel points out that widowers, like widows, may, “… have a ton of baggage; children, memories, ties to the past.” Bill from Alaska cautions women who are interest- ed in a widower to look for those who have found posi- tive avenues to process their grief and who are open and honest about where they stand emotionally as they are likely to enter any future relationship on a better footing and will be a better spouse. Several widowers suggested they believe widows find them more attractive as potential husbands because of their ability to relate to the widow’s loss. And it doesn’t hurt that the widow is better able to appreciate what a widower has endured. Do women agree? To gain some perspective from single women, I asked visitors to the public Facebook page, “Widowers Sup- port Network,” the same question, “Do Widowers Make Good Husbands?” Here is how a few of the women responded. Carla from California has dated both divorced and widowed men and has decided to exclusively date widowers. “The dif- ference is day and night,” says Carla. We both talk freely of our past (husband and wife), and we can be free to ex- press ourselves.” Judith, a widow, believes a widower mar- rying a widow is a good idea. “They would understand the concept of a partnership, in it as equals.” Cathy writes, “It depends on where he is in his grief pro- cess. Some widowers are not prepared to commit to anoth- er relationship. They prefer to play the field .” Cathy added that some widowers don’t know what they want, nor even what they are looking for in a mate or life-partner. Brooke from California finds great comfort in the time she has spent with a widower. “I’ve dated a couple of very nice men who were not widowers but felt disconnected,” adding, “There is a huge difference.” June cautions how some widowers she has dated “wear their wives’ life and death as armor,” adding how she finds no place in a man’s life if he is not free to live in the present. Sandy fromNew York pointed out that widowed men are more attractive versus those who are divorced as they don’t have the mother of their children continually re-entering their lives on holidays and special occasions, not to men- tion the fact that the widower doesn’t have alimony to pay. JT from Georgia wrote, “The only reason I can see a widower being viewed as a bad husband is if his new wife didn’t understand that the deceased wife will always hold a spot in the widower’s heart, and that a widower still has more love to give to her.” Herb Knoll is a retired banking executive, an advocate for Widow- ers, a professional speaker, and author of the breakout book, The Widower’s Journey. Available at Amazon.com in paperback and all digital formats. Herb is the founder of the Widower’s Support Network (WidowersSupportNetwork.com) featuring the Widowers Support Network – Members Only, a private Facebook group page for men only, and a second Facebook page which is open to the general public at Widowers Support Network. Herb hosts the Wid- owers Journey Podcast, available on all podcast hosting services. Contact at herb@WidowersSupportNetwork.com. Park Lawn Corporation Finishes 2019 Strong with Fourth Quarter and Year End Results TORONTO,ONTARIO— Park Lawn Corporation (TSX: PLC) announced its results for the fourth quarter and year ended December 31, 2019. “2019 was another transformative year for PLC with robust acquisition growth as well as a significant focus on the successful inte- gration of our expanding US platform, which is a testament to our strong and highly capable management team. The success of 2019 positions us well for the emerging challenges of 2020. In a time of adversity, the entire PLC team re- mains focused on what we can control: the continued, consistent execution of PLC’s growth strategy via a combination of organic growth, margin expansion and continued acquisition activity,” stated Brad Green , Interim CEO. Park Lawn Responds to COVID-19 Challenges In North America, we are all adjusting and adapting to daily changes as a re- sult of the COVID-19 pandemic. While the health and safety of our employees remains our top priority, it is not lost on us that the Company provides an es- sential public function and has a unique and critical responsibility to the com- munities and families it serves in re- sponding to the COVID-19 pandemic. As the COVID-19 crisis evolves, the Company will continue to monitor its impact on our business and will imple- ment contingency plans as necessary and appropriate. Continued on Page A28