Page A20 October 2022 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A industry plays an important role in helping widows prepare for what is to come. We all benefit from a more open and honest dialogue about death. I hope to hear from readers with questions and comments. Please feel free to drop me an email at patty.desiderio@notjustawidow.com. Not Just A Widow! Many of us were taught that religion and politics were two topics to never bring up at a business dinner or in polite conversation. But death. Now there’s a topic that no one actually wants to talk about! Why would people purposefully talk about something that will make them feel sad and depressed? Between the two certainties in life – death and taxes – everyone would rather talk about taxes. This is the arena, Dear Reader, that we find ourselves in. I want to talk about death. I want other people to talk about death. I think it would be healthy for everyone, but I ultimately care about the health of my fellow widows. The isolation that widows experience after the death of their husband is partly due to their grief and emotional processing. But it is also because family, friends and colleagues feel awkward. My husband died of cancer eleven years ago. He was cremated and I had a memorial service at the funeral home. I was completely emotionally numb. Our bodies and our minds go into survival mode when we overload them with stress. I’m sure you see it daily in the vacant stares of the bereaved. What can you possibly do to help this person? Nothing. There is nothing you can do to help them in that moment. They need time to process what’s happening, to grieve, to heal. As I sat in that room at the funeral home, with all those people who knewmy husband, who were lending me support by being there, all I could think about was the future. What now? What the hell do I do now? My husband, my best friend, my rock, my confidant is dead. What now? Suddenly, I’m packing up the pictures, the flowers, ribbons and other decorations. His remains. It all goes By Patty Desiderio Not Just A Widow in a box. I’m given a pen and notepad with the funeral home’s name splashed across the top. Do you want to guess how many times I touched that pen and notepad after that evening? Once. To throw them in the garbage. Why would I want a reminder of that day and that experience? That is the marketing challenge the entire funeral industry faces, as you are no doubt aware. My goal for this column is to provide insight into what widows experience and how the people who care about her can help. I also hope that we can have a dialogue about how the funeral industry can help widows and her loved ones before and after the funeral. After all, that’s when people are going to be more receptive to a message. It’s simply too chaotic and stressful in the immediate aftermath of the death and funeral. My being a widow isn’t something unique. The US Census in 2019 said there are 11.4 million of us in the US. That’s 3.5% of the US population. Women out-live men by a significant margin, so the number of widows climbs steadily every year. I had a marketing and promotions business for a decade before founding Not Just A Widow with my business partners. I understand how difficult it can be to craft a message and get it heard. After we finished writing The Not Just AWidow Guidebook, we received a lot of positive feedback. But again, the topic of death is one which most people want to avoid. I’ve found that we simply have to be bold. The widows and their families need us. There are things they need to hear now. It can’t wait a year or two until they’re “ready.” I’m thankful to Peggy Rouzzo at Nomis Publications, Inc. for the opportunity to write this column. We at Not Just A Widow have always believed that the funeral home Patty Desiderio is co-founder of Not Just a Widow LLC. She coauthored The Not Just a Widow Guidebook with Doug Robinson, who has provided over 25 years of guidance and counsel on personal financial planning to widowed clients. Patty is motivated by her own experience as a widow. After her husband Basil died in 2011, she had to navigate the unique hurdles of widowhood. She often wondered why there weren’t more resources for widows and why everyone was so reluctant to talk about something that affects millions of women. She knew she could help her fellow widows. Patty offers Widow Identity Transformation Workshops to educate the public about the challenges widows face. She has founded and is an active participant in widow’s support groups at national and local levels. Patty lives in Phenix City, Alabama. Email Patty at patty.desiderio@notjustawidow.com. The Not Just A Widow Guidebook can be found on Amazon and at www.NotJustAWidow.com. Not Just a Widow’s website and Facebook page are excellent resources for widows looking for guidance. F U N E R A L H O M E & C E M E T E R Y N E W S w w w . N o m i s P u b l i c a t i o n s . c o m Monthly Columnsonline at Scan QR for our website 1-888-792-9315 • mymortuarycooler.com Mortuary Coolers starting at $5,899 C oler NEWS Educational OVERLAND PARK,KS— Columbia MBAwielding writer, Jessica Vitalis, has made it her passion to specialize in middle-grade literature. She loves traveling, sailing, and scuba diving, but when she is at home, she can usually be found recording book talks for Magic in the Middle. Jessica has written a book entitled The Wolf ’s Curse, which was published in 2021, and her companion novel, The Rabbit’s Gift, will make its debut in October. In last month’s WilbertEDU session, Jessica discussed grief in children’s literature and how she came to write The Wolf ’s Curse, which chronicles the journey of a 12-year-old apprentice named Gauge. The webinar, The Wolf ’s Curse: Grief in Children’s Literature was presented September 1. Attendees learned about Gauge, his journey, and why the topic of grief in children’s literature is so important. The WilbertEDU series is provided and hosted by Wilbert Funeral Services, Inc and is certified with the Academy of Professional Funeral Service Practice. Launched in November 2020, WilbertEDU has featured numerous presenters, all accomplished funeral professionals, and entrepreneurs, providing insight on a wide variety of deathcare topics. A full slate of sessions has already been presented by WilbertEDU in 2022. Participants have expressed their appreciation for the many industry-related topics including professional and staff development, embalming, children and death, cremation, cemetery development, legal and ethical issues, and many others, all from the comfort and convenience of their own homes and offices. Learn more at www.wilbert.com/wilbertedu. Jessica Vitalis presented The Wolf’s Curse: Grief in Children’s Literature in WilbertEDU® Webinar Jack E. Lechner, Jr. is Distinguished Guest of Honor at Fountain National Academy Conference CINCINNATI,OH— Jack E. Lechner, Jr was the 2022 Distinguished Guest of Honor at the Fountain National Academy’s (FNA) 6th Biennial International Embalming and Reconstructive Surgery Conference for Professional Embalmers July 28-31, 2022. Lechner was awarded the Distinguished Professional Service Award Medallion which was developed in 2010. It is the highest recognition award that FNA bestows. FNA honors individuals for their dedication to our profession of embalming, reconstructive surgery, and viewPhone: 877-770-TIES (8437) Fax: 276-466-3474 E-mail: customerservice@tiesforyou.com www.tiesforyou.com STYLISH MATCHING TIES FOR PROFESSIONALS Any Size Group or Organization ing of the deceased. According to FNA, “Award recipients have unselfishly shared their knowledge and technical skills with embalmers around the world. Few men and women in our admirable profession will ever reach out and touch so many lives.” The Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science is 501 (c)(3) organization. Established in 1882, its mission is to develop professionals who can function with distinction within their chosen profession and within the community of life. SEND US YOUR NEWS! info@nomispublications.com
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