Page A26 july 2024 www.vischerfuneralsupplies.com FREE TEST DRIVE OF DIGITAL MARKETING SERVICES! TWO-MONTH NOW! APPLY Why Are We So Damned Lonely? A friend who recently lost his wife and I were commiserating recently over how damned lonely we were soon after losing our wives. This despite our backgrounds which included interacting with hundreds (if not thousands) of people yearly. Even though we had: • Several close married friends • Family and friends in our community • Current and former workmates • Active community lives that previously required us to interact with many neighbors, community leaders, interest groups, and church friends • And much more So why were we still lonely? Couldn’t we call any of these people and invite them to go out for a coffee or beer with us? Why didn’t they call us? Couldn’t we sign up for activities to get us out there and make us feel less lonely? But for both of us, the loss of our wives was something different. A Grief Wall inserted itself between us and all our former friends and acquaintances. This grief wall emerges the moment our wife passes, it is the pain and sense of loss that comes with having half of your very being torn away. For someone who may have already started to withdraw from their community before their wife passes due to illness or aging, this loneliness may be amplified even more. As we age many withdraw more and more from organizations, churches, clubs, and group activities. So, if I and my friend (who were both still active into our 70s and 80s) experienced this dramatic sense of loneliness, you can imagine how much worse it would be for By Fred Colby Share This With Widowers Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consultant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com. Fred Colby’s new 2nd edition blends his own story with research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving the loss of his wife, plus what he learned after his first edition was printed. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for anWidower to Widower Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship New Second Edition To see what others are saying about Widower to Widower go to https://www.fredcolby.com/media Special Offer — 5 Books for $59.99 https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order-5-pack-for-groups www. Fr e dCo l by . com swers took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. those who had already withdrawn from these groups and activities… making them and their spouse even more codependent. A recent NY Times article (The Loneliness Curve by Christina Caron) noted, “self-reported loneliness tends to decline as people approach midlife only to rise again after the age of 60, becoming especially pronounced by around age 80.” So, widowers who are over the age of 60 are more at risk already, even before losing their spouse. I speak often about the tendency of men to have only 1 or 2 close male friends. Widowers are often shocked when they discover how few friends they have. After losing our spouse, if we continue on this road, we are likely to have a pretty miserable existence going forward. (Some seem to thrive on being alone and do not need to do anything different.) Often in desperation widowers will find themselves spending hours on dating websites hoping to find a special someone who can replace their wife. They are especially susceptible to cute gals showing a little cleavage while drawing them into a web of deceit and fraud. While in this state of grieving the widower’s ability to make rational decisions is greatly diminished. Loneliness can cause severe physical and mental health issues if not addressed. Melancholy, depression, withdrawal from society, diminishing mental capacity, and more are common side effects of self-isolating. During the first few months of widowhood, it is extremely difficult to meet this challenge. However, deal with it we must. At some point, we have to choose to confront it. The first step is to recognize this as OUR problem. If it is OUR problem, then we must be part of the solution. Confronting our grief is the first step in our healing process. Confronting our self-isolation and self-harm (e.g. drinking too much or doing drugs) is the next step. We can begin by reaching out to those closest to us. Be upfront with them about where you are mentally and ask for their support. Make new friends including our fellow widowers with whom we now have much in common. Jeff Cheek and Tina Houck receive CFSA Lifetime Recognition Award Tina Houck Jeff Cheek Jeanette Hiemstra INDIANAPOLIS,IN— During the recent Casket and Funeral Supply Association (CFSA) Annual Conference and Trade Show, Jeff Cheek and Tina Houck were recognized with the prestigious Lifetime Recognition Award. This award is CFSA’s highest honor, going to professionals who have devoted at least 35 years to raising professional standards and moving the industry forward with positive and progressive actions. Jeff Cheek of Matthews Funeral Solutions said, “I’ve spent just about my entire professional life in this wonderful industry, and this occasion makes me appreciate and respect all the great people in funeral service supply even more. I cannot thank CFSA enough for considering me when selecting recipients.” Tina Houck of Schuylkill Haven Casket Company said, “I am so humbled to receive this Lifetime Achievement award from the Casket and Funeral Supply Association. To be included with some of the most dedicated and hard-working people in this industry is such an honor.” CFSA is honored to announce its 2024-25 board of directors. Assuming the role of president is Charles-Olivier Dumont of Victoriaville & Co; Lori Eanes of C&L Containers, Inc will serve as vice president; Matt Hockett of Prepainted Metals, LLC is treasurer; and Greg Beavers of Wise Products, Inc transitions to become CFSA’s immediate past president. JEB Cranford of Triangle Atlantic Casket Co and Chris DiMascio of Matthews Aurora Funeral Solutions joined the board as new directors. They join existing board members Michael Bretherick of Iron City Stamping, Inc; Andrew Kaplan of Cahill Nonwovens Company, LLC; Leland Robinson of Southern Craft Manufacturing; Nick Taddeo of Church & Chapel Metal Arts, Inc; Presson Thomson of Dixline Corporation; and Andrew Williamson of Covington Casket Company, Inc. Leaving the board after completing their threeyear terms are Dwayne Heeter of Matthews Aurora Funeral Solutions; Andy Lawrence of Tiedemann-Bevs Industries; Justin Thacker of Thacker Caskets; and Scott Weisenbach of Sich Casket Company. CFSA is honored to announce Jeanette Hiemstra as the recipient of this year’s Audrey Thacker Women of Excellence Award. This distinguished award is named after Audrey Thacker, the retired chief financial officer and vice president of Thacker Caskets, Inc and Thacker Casket Manufacturing. “Jeanette has been involved in the leadership of CFSA for many years, working her way up to president just a few years ago. Her legacy of leadership, as well as her accomplishments while in leadership, is what CFSA looks for in its governance ranks,” said Tim Murphy, CFSA’s CEO. “Her sense of priority and big-picture vision served all of us well during her tenure and beyond.” As an association, CFSA believes that Audrey’s legacy deserves to be honored for many years to come, and thus created this award to honor Audrey Thacker and her incredible leadership. The criteria for the award include a CFSA membership, a minimum of five years in the funeral supply industry, and a demonstration of exceptional innovation and leadership in her company. The Casket & Funeral Supply Association of America was founded in 1913 as the Casket Manufacturers Association, and is now open to all companies who manufacture, distribute, sell, or otherwise provide any funeral service merchandise to licensed funeral homes. CFSA has members on 3 continents and several countries worldwide. For more information, visit www. CFSA.org. News ASSOCIATION FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Send Us Your News! info@NomisPublications.com • www.NomisPublications.com • 1-800-321-7479
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