April 2021

Page A4 APRIL 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A SHROUDS Green Burial Cremation www.kinkaraco.com (415) 874-9698 100% American Made By Nancy Weil Ours is a business of euphemisms. Nothing showcas- es this better than the iconic Monty Python Dead Par- rot skit. They use 18 different phrases to refer to death, with 16 of them in one monologue alone. He’s passed on ! This parrot is no more ! He has ceased to be ! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker ! He’s a stiff ! Bereft of life , he rests in peace ! If you hadn’t nailed him to the perch, he’d be pushing up the daisies ! His metabolic process- es are now history ! He’s off the twig ! He’s kicked the bucket , he’s shuffled off his mortal coil , run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible !! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT !! Humor is often based in playing off of the things that people find to be uncomfortable and, in our soci- ety, speaking about death is one of those areas that are often referenced delicately, if at all. I’d like to exam- ine some of the word choices we make when speaking with those we serve. • “I’m sorry for your loss.” – Who hasn’t uttered those sympathetic words? What could possibly we wrong with this simple statement? I thought it was Random Musings fine, even innocuous, until I spoke to one mom whose son died at 3 years-old. She told me that whenever someone said this to her, she would respond, “Oh, he is not lost. I know exactly where he is. Would you like me to take you to the cemetery and show you?” • Ashes vs. cremated remains vs. cremated person – While the common vernacular is to use the word “ash- es” I would warn against this. The only time I used that it if the client used it first and then I would reflect back using their words as a way to promote active lis- tening. In all other cases I use the professional term of “cremated remains.” One funeral director that I know uses the term: cremated person. He shared with me that since this is what it is, then why not refer to them this way? If you think there is still nothing wrong with using the word “ashes” then consider a conversation I had with a father whose teenage son had died. “My son is not ashes,” he shared, “Ashes are what is left in a fireplace after a fire.” • Aftercare vs. Grief Support – I will often times click on an aftercare tab on a website only to be led to in- formation about estate settlement, pre-planning, etc. While I think of aftercare referencing grief support, there is a merging of this phrase into two entirely dif- ferent areas, which can lead to confusion. Be clear whenever you use the phrase “aftercare” what it is you mean by this. You can avoid it all together and just use “Grief Support” or “Steps to take following a death” when communicating with the public. • Funeral vs. Memorial vs. Celebration of Life – People do not know their options following the death of a loved one. Does a funeral have to follow all of the traditions of the past? Visitation, followed by service, cemetery and funeral luncheon? Or can a funeral be a simple, but meaningful service with the body or cremated remains present? It may seem clear to us, but the person you are speaking to may not know. Can a “Celebration of Life” be the same thing as a funeral? Is a “Memorial Service” just like a funeral, but without the body present? Again, words matter and sometimes you may have to explain what you mean in order to have clear com- munication. Our industry vernacular is very different from what the general public hears and uses. Which leads me to “industry” vs. “profession”. The list goes on and on, so listen to the words you choose as death care professionals the way you talk matters. Choose Your Words Carefully Serving as Member Resources Director at the International Order of the Golden Rule, Nancy Weil brings her years of experience working in the funeral industry to funeral directors across the globe. Her professional experience includes serving as Director of Grief Support and Community Outreach at Veterans Funeral Care in Clearwater, FL and at eleven cem- eteries in Western New York. Nancy travels throughout the country offering presentations on how to reduce stress, combat compassion fatigue and offer support for those who are grieving through her company, The Laugh Academy. With certifications as a Grief Services Provider and Grief Management Specialist, Funeral Celebrant, Soul Injury Ambassador and Laughter Leader, Nancy is uniquely qualified to bring new perspectives into how to best meet the needs of the families you serve. For more information on how Nancy can help you and your company grow, visit her website: www.TheLaughAcademy.com or e-mail Nancy@TheLaughAcademy.com. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at COLUMBIA FALLS,ME— Wreaths Across America (WAA) had announced its 2021 Race Program which will include a 737-mile virtual Escort to Arlington Chal- lenge, two virtual Running for Wreaths options (5K and 10K available) in May and September, and one in-person Stem to Stone Remembrance Run this July, with a vir- tual option. This year’s race program is the result of an expanded partnership with event-management and tim- ing company CompetitorME, after a successful inaugu- ral year in 2020 where eight virtual road races were held across the country. The variety of options for supporters provides an opportunity to build community awareness and understanding of WAA’s yearlong mission to Re- member, Honor, Teach. The complete list of the race options and open registrations can be found at www .competitorme.com/wreaths-across- america , and include: • Escort to Arlington Challengte: This 737-mile virtual course starts in Columbia Falls, ME where WAA is head- quartered and travels down the East Coast to Arlington, VA just as the annual escort to Arlington does each De- cember. • Running for Wreaths (5K & 10K) Virtual Races – May and September: Participants have the flexibility to run/ walk/ruck/bike on the course of their choosing while rais- ing funds to sponsor veterans’ wreaths for participating locations or sponsorship groups they support. • Stem to Stone Remembrance Run (in-person in Maine, with virtual option): 2021 will be the 3rd year this race is hosted on the tip lands in Maine where balsam is grown and harvested each year to make the veterans’ wreaths placed on the headstones of our nation’s heroes. Simply click on the individual event to be brought to the official RunSignUp registration pages which have all the pertinent information, such as event dates, pricing, course maps, and donation opportunities. (#RunningForWreaths) “We are thrilled to have the opportunity to once again part- ner with CompetitorME and bring virtual race options for fundraising and fun to our supporters,” said KarenWorces- ter, executive director, Wreaths Across America. “In spite of the pandemic, last year we saw local groups and individuals participating in our virtual races across the country and shar- ing the mission as they found a healthy way to stay active and involved in their communities. We hope to continue that momentum by offering these new options to get involved and help share the mission to Remember, Honor, Teach.” Each individual race registration, sponsors a fresh balsam veteran’s wreath that will be placed on the headstone of an American hero on December 18, 2021, as part of National Wreaths Across America Day. Group or individual fundrais- Wreaths Across America announces 2021 Race Program ing tools and capabilities are available for all of the races and there is a team option for the Escort to Arlington Challenge. During check out, registrants can designate the Sponsor- ship Group or participatingWreaths Across America location they want their sponsored wreath allocated to. Registrants will receive personalized racing bibs and commemorative fin- isher medallions, with event t-shirts. There is also a free Race- Joy app available for download by registrants to listen while they participate to learn more about the mission, hear stories of those who have served and the names of those that have sacrificed for our freedom. “After the success of last year’s inaugural Stem to Stone Race Program, which ultimately was executed completely virtual aside from one race in Maine, we saw a great opportunity to try new and creative ways to the get the running community involved in the mission,” said Jonathan Kelley, owner Com- petitorME. “Through our own team’s personal involvement with the WAA escort to Arlington, we’ve seen what the mis- sion means to our Nation’s Gold Star Families and how im- portant it is to Remember, Honor, Teach, every day of the year, and want to bring that experience to more people.” Wreaths Across America is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organi- zation founded to continue and expand the annual wreath- laying ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery begun by Maine businessman Morrill Worcester in 1992. The orga- nization’s mission – Remember, Honor, Teach – is carried out in part each year by coordinating wreath-laying ceremo- nies in December at Arlington, as well as at thousands of veterans’ cemeteries and other locations in all 50 states and beyond. For more information or to sponsor a wreath, visit www.wreathsacrossamerica.org . Order Your Favorite Animal Today! www.nomispublications.com or 1-800-321-7479